I had a horrible dream. At some point earlier in the dream I had left a flirty voicemail for another woman. It was now the end of the dream and I had forgotten the previous actions and I stood before my beloved wife whom I adore and cherish. She had a look of shock on her face. She spoke and told me that she’d heard the voicemails that I had left that were so flirty and playful, and as it dawned on her that they were for someone else, she was absolutely heartbroken. Betrayed! It was all over her face. The magnitude of what I had done hit me in the solar plexus… I woke suddenly…
Heaviness pressed on my heart. The feelings were so real. This was serious. I was trembling. I was 100% awake and focused. This was a God dream.
At first I thought it was simply a warning call to keep MY marriage pure. But it quickly sank in that I was also married to Him…
He spoke to me. I don’t think I have ever heard Him so clearly. The Fear of the Lord came all over me. He appeared to me as a bright pinpoint of light in my shut vision. I trembled.
“This is how I feel when anyone betrays me… It hurts me deeply… Yes I have forgiven past present future sin by the Cross, by the Blood… But I see all, and I do not take habitual sin lightly… Nothing is hidden from my gaze… I am vulnerable to man’s choices and actions…”
I felt tears welling. My heart was frozen, beating, broken for Him… I was frightened at the power man has to hurt God’s heart… The Fear of the Lord tightened its grip…
Things began to flash through my mind from my personal choices over the past year. In the general scheme of things, perhaps none of these things were that awful in and of themselves. But each and every one was a knife in God’s back. And all of them together… unthinkable… How could I, a lover of Jesus, a partaker of Holy Spirit, pressing towards 24/7 awareness lifestyle… how could I… make so many poor choices… however large or small, however recent or far in the past…?
God wasn’t being horrible or overbearing with me, or manipulative. He was just being honest with me. Every poor choice was a betrayal…
I also saw faces of people who know and love and trust me. I saw how hurt and betrayed they would be should my little things ever become something bigger, something shameful and embarrassing to ‘the faith’… I was frightened at the power man has to hurt other men… No wonder we crucify any of our own kind when they have a fall from grace… We feel betrayed…
If we break trust in a marriage, the marriage suffers a huge setback. It is hard to recover from betrayal of any sort. Like a broken wine glass, you can glue it back together but is it ever fully the same?
How does God do it? How does He withstand knife after knife after knife in the back from those He loves and adores and cherishes so much that He would die for them to set them free to choose to receive Him?
This is a call to a different kind of Holiness. Not by self will power, do do… But by love motivation, to please the one we love. This is a marriage between us and God. We should never willingly choose to hurt the one we love!
Please don’t feel condemned by this. This is not me calling you to Holiness. The flesh and soul are weak. It’s impossible to be perfect in and of yourself.
But if you feel Holy Spirit conviction, if you feel your Husband’s heart on this matter, by all means, invite the Fear of the Lord… Allow Holy Spirit to dwell in ALL of those hidden parts of you. Let Him in. Let Him lead in the areas where you know you are weak, those places and habits hidden from the sight of everyone around you (you think and hope) but completely transparent to God.
Let His love for you motivate you to let Him be holy in and through you.
Do this from a place of rest, rather than striving. It is a simple choice and action.
We become what we behold. Behold Him. Become aware of Holy Spirit and join with Him to live out of your spirit 24/7. No more reacting from flesh and soul memory. Invite and embrace the Fear of the Lord. Allow Holy Spirit to guide your responses and choices. Then you will be holy as He is Holy. And you will be far less prone to any more betrayals.
Be encouraged. Be empowered. Be delivered.